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Tyler Talks Cats That Kick Butt

May 17th, 2014 by Magdalena Tabor

tyler

Hey! Did you see that awesome news clip about the cat that saved the little boy from the dog attack? Who says CATS can’t be Man’s Best Friend???
This little boy, minding his own business (a rarity in itself), was riding his tricycle in front of his house, when suddenly a nasty little hound comes sneaking up behind him, viciously grabs him off his trike and like a crazed pirana tosses him about like a rag doll.
Here comes the good part…..the kid’s cat charges the dog with all four paws ninja-like, BAM! and the dog goes yelping down the street with the cat in hot pursuit! That cat, Tara’s her name, is one feisty feline. I think I’m in LOVE! (Sorry, Clementine. But you have to admit Tara’s stripes are very appealing). All she needs is the Super Hero cape! I propose they feature her image on band aids alongside Cat Woman.

So…..whadayathink? Everyone needs someone to look up to. Who’s your hero? And don’t say Underdog.

 

 

 

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What Exactly is This Kid – Justin Bieber Up to ???

May 13th, 2014 by Michael Tabor

Did you hear the jeering and booing when the image of Justin Bieber and his mother shown in attendance at the L.A. Clippers game was toughjustinflashed on the big screen in the arena??? Wow!! Does Justin Bieber like this notoriety??? Is he a masochist who likes pain? What on earth is this kid thinking and doing?
The already ultra – super – charged crowd is still, I’m sure, reeling about the whole Donald Sterling affair, and I’m sure the last thing they want to see on the “Jumbotron” is this insolent, boldly rude, marginally – talented, 20 – something – year – old, snot – nosed billionaire with a baby – face and an over – the – top James Dean Haircut making snarky gestures. This “belieber” thing is just disturbing beyond words.

Believe it or not, on some level I feel sorry for Justin Bieber and am utterly shocked and appalled at what “his people” (or maybe Bieber is so “bad – ass” he just ignores the advice) are doing to his client. If your whole career is about being a rebel or a “shock – jock” like Howard Stern, then I could possibly understand this crazy behavior. However, the kid is supposed to be marketed, one would obviously assume, as an adorable cute little boy with millions of young girls singing along with his lyrics about young love.

But, maybe this is all a strategy….

So WhaDaYaThink ? What do you think ? We all know that he can’t be a pretty boy teen – idol forever (Hey we all know what happened to David Cassidy, Lief Garret, …etc.) So maybe Justin Bieber and his advisors are prepping him for his next gig in life i.e. a Mixed Martial Artist – lololololololol

Hey you may laugh, but all his friends are fighters e.g. Floyd Mayweather, Nate Diaz, Jon Jones …. Hey, he certainly has enough cash to get the best training in the world. Who knows, maybe Justin Bieber maybe the next MMA Champion.

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The Irony of Stand – Up Comedy

May 9th, 2014 by Michael Tabor

Did you know that 99.9 % of comedians cannot stand (no pun) hearing themselves and worst yet, seeing themselves perform? Initially, I comicwas shocked, but now I can totally understand the psychology of it all and how sensible it is. What kind of crazed narcissist would you have to be to like laughing at your own jokes?
We’re social animals, and the reality is that a stand – up comic needs an audience and some sort of positive feedback in order to really get the joy out of telling jokes. I’m pretty sure that any type of performance artist (actors, talk – show hosts, dancers, musicians … etc) for that matter, doesn’t like to see themselves on tape or whatever. My theory is that, the looser the format so to speak, the less inclined you’re likely to enjoy watching yourself. I suppose if you’re a classical pianist and you nail down Chopin note for note, I guess you can watch yourself and derive some sort of pleasure.
But, anyway, just to stick to comedians here in this blog, is it any wonder that comics are perhaps the saddest and most serious folks on the planet ??? I was informed of this when I was a kid and I used to think it was monumentally ironic, but is it ? Professional comedians ponder the absurd and write about it (the grim existentialist, Albert Camus, spent his entire career ruminating thoroughly and deeply on the absurdity of the human condition).

The oxymoronic “comedy is a serious business” prodigiously resonated with the late great George Carlin who wrote everything down and when he did his act (about an hour long or so) would not change a single word – I repeat, not a word !!! George used to say, once it’s in, it stays.
So WhaDaYaThink ? What do you think ? I’m not a particularly funny person myself, but I’m a HUGE fan of comics and comedy.

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Kiosk Folks and The Remote Control Helicopter

May 1st, 2014 by Michael Tabor

What is the deal with kiosk booths and the remote control helicopter (who knows, maybe the concept was the progenitor of drones – lol) ??? kiosk1kiosk2Esthtician stock photo shootOr how about the glittery cell phone kiosk5covers, other cheap flying junk & mechanical animals that walk around and make oink – oink sounds. I almost NEVER go to strip malls, but when I do, there they are … those independent booth owners hawking nauseating kitsch. My question is –DOES ANYONE BUY THIS STUFF ???

Sometimes the merchants will sell some sort of secret skin cream that will make you look 20 years younger and remove every wrinkle from your face. How about those inane vibrating chairs that some people sit in thinking that that they’re getting a massage. One of my favorites is the skin burning machine i.e. tanning booth. Sure you might get malignant melanoma, but at least you’ll have a nice tan – … uggh, we’re a strange species, indeed!!!

So WhaDaYaThink ? What do you think ? Everybody seems impressed with the miniature helicopter flying around the mall, but I personally have never seen a person actually buy one of those things.

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Tyler Talks Spring

April 2nd, 2014 by Magdalena Tabor

Some of you may have been wondering where I’ve been all winter. Then again, others may have muttered “I’m glad that cat’s finally stopped writing”. For those of you tylerwho’ve missed me, this blog’s for you. To the rest, go bark at the dog next door.
It’s been a long first winter here in New York and I have been preoccupied with the business of napping, chasing snowflakes at the window, napping, writing my memoirs, napping, running scared from Snowshoe (the Alpha male cat), napping, mooning after Clementine who hates me with a passion, and napping. So, for us Texas cats, all this talk about Spring has me anticipating what this new season has in store for me.
They say Spring is when everything turns GREEN. I’m happy with my coloring the way it is, thank you, and have no imminent desire to appear in the form of a moving topiary. Someone may just clip my tail.
They also say Spring is when everything buds and flowers. I can do without the blossoms behind my ears. I am not a flower child. However, it’s a well known fact that flowers attract insects, so I may just sport one behind an ear. I’d really like to taste one or two. I have a vey discerning palate and can recommend the best varieties from which you may benefit as they are very healthful however fuzzy. Then again, if you’re the dog who’s still reading my blog with the usual contempt, you have no real taste anyway. I’ve seen you spit them out and then, with the table manners of a mongrel, put them back in your mouth. At least place them nicely on a plate and for goodness sake, use utensils. The important thing is to appear distinguished while munching the little critters so as not to arouse suspicion from the Beans. For they will scoop them up with disgust and call you a disparaging name. Honestly, they have about as much sense as the mutt next door. Not you, Chip. You’re very nice. I think there a mutt a couple of houses down.
Anyway, I am quite looking forward to Spring, aren’t you?

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Happy Saint Yodelers Day

March 15th, 2014 by Magdalena Tabor

Frankly, I’m jealous. Why do the Irish get to have Saint Patrick’s Day, while I, of Austrian descent have no day to commemorate my heritage? austrian yodelerWhy, think of the possibilities.
Cute little yodelers dressed in fetching alpine outfits marching down Fifth Avenue with their accordions. A float depicting famous classical composers. Couples waltzing dreamily to Strauss. Einstein dancing in lederhosen while reciting the theory of relativity. Julie Andrews floating down with her umbrella. Ooops, wrong movie.
And then, after a long day of singing “the hills are alive” we can all sit down to a hearty dish of schnitzel and noodles with a generous helping of Mom’s delectable apple strudel. Beats corned beef and cabbage with soda bread.
Don’t you think a pretty girl dressed in her dirndl with each of her ten fingers hooked around the handle of frothy dripping beer steins is a whole lot more appealing than…..green beer??? Or….a leprechaun??? Which of the two characters produces the better gold?
Oh sure, I can always lay claim to my American status, but honestly….couldn’t they have dreamed up a handsomer figure of Uncle Sam? He’s as gaunt and gangly as Saint Nicholas on my Austrian side. In fact, I’d say they could very well be one and the same, posing as an interchangeable icon clothed in different costumes. Hmmm…….interesting observation. Where are Uncle Sam’s switches with which to thrash the naughty politicians? Or have the Irish fairies spirited them away? Always getting into the act.

So……whadayathink? As long as we’re contemplating shining a spotlight on other cultures, what about yours? Why don’t we have one big Melting Pot Day so we can be politically correct? We can fondue our favorite politicians, uh, foods.

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“What A Drag It is Getting Old”

March 10th, 2014 by Michael Tabor

Oops, I’m slower, older, and certainly not as quick – witted, hence, I actually got the song title wrong, it’s actually “Mother’s mid - lifemid-life2Little Helper” by the Rolling Stones. What’s so weird is that the “helper” is valium i.e. it is among the benzodiazepine family such as Klonopine, Librium, Xanax, etc. which doesn’t give you a boost at all, it just makes you tired and want to sleep for eternity – lol.

I’m blogging about this now because though I’m not ‘90’ (I’m 50 – btw, unlike ‘40’ there is nothing redeeming about turning ‘50’ – it s**ks !!!) Right now my my back is killing me, I’m tired, and I looked at the mirror just now and it looks like I’ve been hit by a truck.

Oh well, I now know that none of my grandiose dreams of writing the next great novel, or doing anything remotely important (Is anything really important when you look at the big picture and observe the cosmos ???) are over & that’s that !!! I know this is a snarky remark, but 99.9% of the people living right now will be dead and gone forever before we reach the next century. The good news is that I am not afraid of the inevitable end and I’ve realized that the only, truly important thing is to really appreciate EVERY single day right NOW !!! Being in the near – twilight of my life I’ve also learned to appreciate and love my loved ones (and cats) more than ever.
So Whadayathink ? What do you think ? I don’t want this to be a depressing blog, because, quite frankly, I’m not sure I’ve ever been happier in my life (who wants to live forever – uggghh!!!)

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Why Joe Rogan is Better Than Howard Stern

January 9th, 2014 by Michael Tabor

Many people have compared perhaps the latest recent media sensation in Joe Rogan to Howard Stern. I was a regular Howard Stern fan back in the 1980’s and now that it’s 2014 and I’m 50 years old, I’ve now moved on (Listen, I’m really an NPR, WNYC geek, but I still like Rock ‘n roll, sort of down – to – earth radio or pod casts, so ….) I suppose the comparison is made because they curse, stand for the common person, and are both in tune to the world of comedy and relief in this unfair and hard world.

Well for starters, much to my dismay, Howard Stern has blatantly revealed to all that he’s a fake/phony/fraud!!! Howard stern came from a world of privilege and wasjoerogan raised by caring, loving, and educated parents. That non-sense about having to “tough” it out in Roosevelt, on Long island is a joke – please !!! I live on Long Island, I’m familiar with Roosevelt and though yes, there are minorities I doubt he had any more problems than your average High School kid. Joe Rogan on the other hand came from the school of real hard knocks – being raised only by his mom while dad took off (BTW, Joe has not been in contact with his biological dad since he was 6 years old) in Newark, NJ.

Howard Stern’s father owned a radio studio, sent his son (Howie) to Boston University, and the spoiled, rotten, rich kid – Daddy got him a gig on radio and the rest is history. Joe Rogan came from absolutely zero, never went to college (though he’s incredibly brilliant less the grammar – lol) and studied martial arts and stand – up comedy (BTW, Stern doesn’t even know how to do stand – up – WTF???). Joe is now the regular color commentator for every major UFC event (at which he’s absolutely stellar), has his own Podcast, and still does stand – up.

Joe Rogan doesn’t have guests who are strippers or porno stars but rather – scientists, psychiatrists, some hippie – potheads – lol (but they’re smart), and any other person who has something interesting to say (not just celebrities).
This is just part 1, but I just want to get your initial thoughts. WhaDaYaThink ? What do you think ?

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Tyler Talks Santa Claws

December 8th, 2013 by Magdalena Tabor

There’s been a whole lotta talk about this cat named Santa Claws. He sounds like one crazy dude who claws his way up and down chimneys and for what? To leave some tylertrinkets in some smelly old socks hanging by the fire to dry. He must have a foot fetish. They say he has a long white beard so I’m thinking he must be a Persian but why is he hanging out with reindeer??? We cats usually stick to our own kind. Anyway, as long as he’s doling out gifts I thought I may as well jump on the band wagon (or is it a sleigh?) and make a list:

1) New paratroopers gear……I misplaced the original and have not given up hope of escape. If I don’t get one I can grow my nails long enough to try the chimney like Santa. But I think the fireplace may be fake. Darn.

2) A personal chef…….In case I’m doomed to stay here I may as well be fat. Look, the Beans try really hard to provide me with a variety of cat food but it is what it is…..CAT food. For those of us with a sophisticated palate, a personal chef would be just the thing.

3) Some new buddies……The two cats I hang with are not the friendliest of creatures. But I still LOVE Clementine. Can’t stand her spitting at me though. So although she can still stay, that other guy has GOT to go. He thinks he’s Alpha Male. Let’s get another female and give Clem some stiff competition. Then maybe she’ll warm up.

4) Real mice…….Are they kidding me with the fake catnip things? Cats know a real mouse when they see one. They think a mouse is a thing you move around on a desk top. Let’s get REAL.

5) My own room…..I hate sharing space with the whole gang. I want my own room where I can close the door any time I want, instead of THEM closing the door on ME. See how THEY like it.

6) A one way ticket to Spain…..Why Spain? I don’t know. It’s the first place that popped into my head and I think it may be affordable on Cheaptix.com. Besides, it’s warm there. What is it with this cold? I’m a Lone Star cat, remember? Oh, that’s right…..Texas dipped to freezing this week. Spain it is.

7) A personal trainer…….As long as I’m getting fat, I may as well trim some of it. And I don’t want one of those cat “trees”. A real in-home gym or a life time enrollment at Gold’s Gym. This would also come in handy to put that alpha male cat in his place in case he gets to stay.

8) A heating pad……..As long as it’s cold I may as well be comfortable with a temperature controlled heating system built into a cat sized bed. If you can’t get one, Mr. Claws, can I at least have my own fleece blankie?

9) Bunny slippers……There’s just something so cool about a cat dressed in bunny slippers, doncha think?

10) A personal supply of Temptations Cat Treats……It may be for cats but in my opinion, no personal chef could do better.

 

So……..whadayathink? Some pretty neat suggestions for that Santa Claws cat. Let’s see what he can come up with. Hey, wait a minute! I don’t have any socks to hang up! And that fireplace doesn’t have a  real chimney! Maybe I can find a way to crack open a window. And as long as the window’s open, I won’t need ANYTHING from Santa. I’d have the world at my at my claws! Nah, too cold out there. Scary too. Maybe I can shove a key under the door.

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Tyler Talks Raining Cats and Dogs

October 19th, 2013 by Magdalena Tabor

tylerThe other day one of the Beans excitedly announced, “It’s raining cats and dogs!” For the life of me (and I have nine) I couldn’t imagine what they were talking about. I ran to the window. Indeed it was raining but there wasn’t a cat or a mongrel in sight. I must have missed them.

I pondered on this phenomena. What could have caused this? How did they manage to reach that elevation and then simultaneously jump down to earth and why? Was this some sort of mass cult suicide attempt? Or were they members of a unique sky divers club equipped with their paratrooper’s gear? Where did they all go when they touched ground? Why wasn’t it reported on the news? And most importantly, how can I get in on the action?

The next day was a cloudy one. I took my usual place at the window and waited. There was  a rumble. I attributed this to a dog’s snarl, a harbinger of the event to come. The wind whipped up. Must have been the jet propellers ready to drop the thrill seekers at any given moment. A few drops of water trickled down the glass. Surely the sweat from their brows. They’re getting cold feet, I thought. Too scared to jump. And then……nothing happened. I did spot one cat running down the street but never saw him land. He must have been the only one to brave the dive. Good for you! I cheered him on! He turned to look back at me with a puzzled look on his face. Must be the delirium from all the excitement, poor guy. And then he vanished out of sight. I wondered there was no reception or welcoming committee.

I soon fell asleep when all at once there was a great roar. It was pouring rain and along with it hundreds of dogs and cats hanging on to umbrellas filling the sky and landing on the street and on the lawn. Someone was yelling “It’s raining cats and dogs! It’s raining cats and dogs!” I suddenly awoke to the sound of my own voice screaming the phrase over and over. I looked out the window. Everything was as it should be. Not a drop of rain or a dog or cat in sight. Whew!

I decided to Google the expression. The Greek cata doxa meaning “contrary to experience or belief”, so if it’s raining unusually or unbelievably hard…..It’s raining cats and dogs. Now isn’t that a wild stretch of the imagination? I think the Greeks had better stick to souvlaki. That reminds me, where’s my dinner?

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