March 30th, 2013 by Magdalena Tabor
This Sentence is a Lie
December 27th, 2012 by Michael Tabor
If I am being truthful, then the fact that I’m telling you “this sentence is a lie” must mean that it’s a lie, so it’s not a lie after all – but how can that be ? Well maybe I’m not being truthful, so the sentence is indeed a lie, which makes the sentence true – an endless loop.Instead of buying a nook (I am a lover of books and absolutely refuse to give in and buy one of those e-readers – another blog), this Christmas Madelene and I decided to buy each other bookcases in an effort to organize our increasingly unmanageable personal library. Well I couldn’t be happier with our decision, because now I can access every one of my favorite books. About five Christmases ago, my wife bought me a tiny little gem of a book entitled ‘Oxymoronica’ by Dr.Mardy Grothe – a collection of paradoxes or as the title suggests oxymora. Although the book is just over 200 pages, it is packed with 2,548 of the most interesting and thought – provoking witticisms that ought to invariably give you a headache if it were not so much fun.
Some of the paradoxes are impossible to solve, like the title of this blog, and presumably much thought had been put into them as well, however there is plenty of inadvertent off the cuff oxymora such as Yogi Berra’s “Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded.” Here are some more Yogism’s for you: “Some of the things I said, I never said.” Or how about “90% of the game is half – mental” and finally “it’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future.
Mickey Rooney once quipped,” There’s no one more depressed than a happily married man.” Even if Mickey didn’t insert “happily” which is what makes this an oxymoron, statistically Mr. Rooney would be quite wrong – couples live longer than single folks but it’s still funny. Most of the statements in here, however ring of truth – “Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.” In addition, one of my favorites is “less is more.” I have been a student of Eastern philosophy for more than 3 decades, so I see truth in, “Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness” written by the Chinese sage, Chuang – Tzu. Confucius said, “Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s own ignorance” and finally, Lao – Tzu stated, “Failure is the foundation of success, success the lurking place of failure.”
What makes a paradox/adage/oxymoron stand out from the rest is if it is clever, funny, true, and ironic. How’s this for those of you out there who are always forced to attend meetings – “Meetings are indispensable when you don’t want to do anything.” Here’s one for all you alcoholics, “I don’t drink. I don’t like it. It makes me feel good.” I fairly recently blogged about Woody Allen, so here’s one taken right from one of his movies (I think ‘Annie Hall’) “Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon. ”
Madelene’s father’s words of wisdom to his precious daughter were always, “Life is short, so just be happy.” Though this is not an oxymoron I’ll end this blog with one from Oscar Wilde which always leads to the same thing, “Life is too important to be taken seriously.”
So WHADAYATHINK ? What do you Think ? Do you have any of your own oxymorons ?
I REALLY CANT KEEP UP
November 19th, 2012 by Michael Tabor
Written by guest blogger Le Duke de fromage
I recently sent a letter of complaint to Comcast, my Internet provider protesting the constant blurbs relating to non-news items about Kim Kardashian.They refused to accept it because I called her a porno queen, when I changed it to sleaze queen they happily published it. What was their logic in that? Their answer to my complaint was if I didn’t like it , change my web page. I felt this was an arrogant response so I wrote to Comcast corporate office. I accused them of accepting money to run phony news stories concerning Kim.They didn’t bother to answer my inquiry; however, I did get an ad for their On Demand service, which I threw away with great disdain.I figured they must be busy buying N.B.C. so I switched to Yahoo. Sadly, it wasn’t much better.
Well its time to admit it I cannot keep up with the Kardashians. They have beaten me; in spite of my rather feeble efforts, I am ready to accept defeat. Yes, Kim, and her two rather sad sisters Klump and Klepto, the evil mother, and the pathetic, wimp-ass step-father has won.Speaking of which, what happened to this guy? Bruce Jenner won an Olympic medal for the decathlon, a very physical demanding sport. He even had his picture on a Wheaties box ,a very high honor? But why the plastic surgery? He looks like an effeminate waiter at a California sushi bar.Evidently he had a bet with Kim over who would look better after body altering surgery.Kim went to the finest Hollywood surgeon money could buy and allegedly has had nose job. breast implants, face botox, and butt implants and she was not even 30 years old. Bruce went to a kiosk at Walmart and opted for day surgery. The results are obvious. During the operation he also completely lost his manhood, how else to appear on national T.V. as a complete boob.
Typical Episode example— Bruce, reclining in lounge chair on patio wearing designer sweat suit {label prominently displayed} showing athletic look, Kim enters picture wearing revealing bikini,{sexual desire look} cameras linger on shot of Kim’s implanted bust while bending over.Kim glances at Bruce, asks inane question, Bruce, with glazed, distant look unsure of response, pauses, and mumbles inaudible answer. Kim gives admiring stare, thanks Bruce for advice, tells him what a wise and wonderful stepfather he is and exits while camera lingers on jiggling in-planted buttocks. This is definitely reality T.V. at its best. And what drama, why you could cut the tension with a machete.Would you believe Kim has never had an acting lesson in her life?
Somewhere in America, there is a secret enclave where people gather in darkness and guilty watch taped shows of the K’s while greedily devouring snack foods. I personally think it’s in New Hampshire. It has to be because no-one will admit to actually watching openly. Yet, “E” the network for people who have absolutely no life pays big bucks for the “K.s” to really act out their lives. Their show comprises about a third of “E,s” prime time output. They repeat it several times a day and night, in case you didn’t understand the plot the first 3 times.The show is as real as a completely phony setting with microphones,cameras, and a crew of about 8 people watching every move.This show is as real as Kim’s bust and Jenner’s face. It is staged, scripted, cut, edited, and woodenly acted by some very untalented people.Kim’s claim to fame is a “leaked”, sex tape which was so staged I swear “E” filmed and produced it. The fact that she was paid several million dollars for a leaked tape {which was meant for their own use and she was very very angry at her then current boyfriend wink, wink, nod, nod reveals volumes about how they operate}
Kim has followed this up with almost daily appearances on-line of exposing her body in various stages of semi-nudity under the guise of important “celebrity” news. Sadly, because she has no talent whatsoever this is all she has to offer. Her latest affair with minor celebs and her totally faked marriage are supposed to keep the public enthralled and breathlessly waiting for her next p.r. release. It shows how gullible and dumb some of her fans are.Of course no-0ne admits to watching so its actually hard to find a fan.
Obviously the woman displays classic narcissistic personality traits, but the whole family.They should create a new show the “K,s” go to therapy but Kim and Jenner would probably show up in bikinis.They would no doubt use Dr. Phil , another grabit while you can quack.
So on it goes, and I am a beaten man and can only guess what hi-jinks the “K,s” have in store for a hidden public. However I can make one promise I may be beaten but I ain’t gonna watch.