Tyler Talks Trump

March 5th, 2017 by Magdalena Tabor


Hey, everybody! It’s me, Tyler!

I heard of this orange cat called Trump.  From what I can gather, he sits on top of this guy’s head. But when anyone questions him on it, he yells out “Wrong!” They say he tweets a lot but it must be from all of the birds he’s swallowed. Some say he eats a lot of crow.

He’s pretty chummy with a Russian cat named Putin but he won’t admit it. They think that’s how he weaseled his way into the office. He can’t be too bright because I don’t need anyone’s help to do that! I’m sitting here right now typing on the home office computer.

Anyway, he says he’s a really smart guy! But if he’s so smart why does he have to keep saying it? Wouldn’t we know it by his vocatulary? If everything he does is so “amazing, huge, tremendous, terrific and fantastic”, wouldn’t we know it without him having to tell us all the time??? He needs to pick some words that better describe how his feelings always seem to get hurt. Like “me-ow, me-ow, me-ow”. Those words bear repeating.

What’s all this talk about fake news?  I think Saturday Night Live is a perfectly legitimate source.  And he’s right there impersonating Alec Baldwin. I don’t get it. What’s that? Alec’s impersonating him? They look identical. ”Amazing!” Well, anyway, he has zero sense of humor. There he goes tweeting again. I need a closer inspection to get that canary out of his mouth.

He says he’s the least racist person but then why does he want to build a wall to keep the immigrants out? I have every right to be in this country. I don’t want to be deported to Mexico even if I was born in Texas. It’s all the same to him. And if I do get to stay here I have to pay for the wall because that Mexican cat isn’t paying for it. Orange cat says he’s very, very rich. Why doesn’t he pay for it??? He’s the one with his name on every single building, like we need to be reminded of how great he thinks he is. It’s not even his real name. It’s “Drumpf”, like someone who’s just uttered how miserable he feels! He should have kept it, matches the look on his face.

Now he says he’s been wire tapped by the cat that used to be in the office. What’s the big deal? I tap wires all the time and nothing ever happens to me. What a whiner, cry baby. Maybe if he tries tapping some wires himself, he’ll get zapped. He’s not smart enough to know which ones are live.

Personally, I think he’s fat and ugly (and I’m not being rude, he says it all the time and gets away with it). That orange cat has got to go! And take his stupid tweets with him! He needs to be peached right now (even if they’re not in season) and I would crush them a little bit first so they splatter good and messy. No one has the right to be that comfortable perched on top of somebody’s head and swear he isn’t when the truth is staring you right in the face! Knock him off and chase him out of the office once and for all! Crazy Orange Cat! Make America Calico Again!


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