Tyler Talks Christmas List

January 8th, 2017 by Magdalena Tabor


Hi! It’s  me, Tyler! You’ve probably been wondering, been bemused, troubled even, at where I might have been all this time. Or  maybe not. It doesn’t  matter. What’s  important is, I’m back. The fact is, I’ve been napping for the past 2 years. Just taking it easy and enjoying myself.

I warned  you what would happen if I didn’t pick up the slack on this blog business. I hate to say I told you so but just as I predicted, the Beans failed to hold up their end of things and left everything to me. Well, guess what? I let the ball drop because no one tells me what to do and when to do it. Remember, I’m a cat.

You may not know it (well, how could you when no one was around to write about it) but we moved from Long Island to upstate New York where it’s colder than a seagull’s spit in the dead of winter. The Beans pretty much fell off the face of the earth after that but now things are getting back to normal which is still pretty weird as far as humans go. I don’t care, as long as they feed me whatever they’re having which is pretty interesting most of the time, even for leftovers.

How was your Christmas? Is it true there’s really a Santa Claws? Because, I for one, didn’t get a single thing I asked for on my Christmas list:

  • Muscle milk. Dad’s always drinking the stuff but I just can’t get my tongue go to all the way down to the bottom of the empty bottle so I asked for my own supply. I even specified I didn’t have a preference as to what flavor. But for whatever reason, it wasn’t there come Christmas morning. Were the cows too cold to milk? Didn’t they work out that morning?
  • Stinky sneakers. I just love to lay on Dad’s after he comes in from wearing them all day. I want a pair of my own even if they don’t fit. They make such nice pillows. Guess what? I didn’t get them either. Faith is beginning to wane.
  • Clementine still hates my guts. So I asked for 5 minutes of her love and affection just to experience what it feels like. Christmas is the season of miracles and that one would have proven that there really is a Santa Claws. Guess what? She hates me more than ever.
  • My para trooper’s gear. Remember that? When I first arrived at the Bean’s I was wearing it (they said it was a harness but I’m a cat, not a horse) and I wouldn’t let them take it off. Mom took a pair of scissors and cut it off! I could really use it here because the new space we’re in has 12 foot high ceilings and it would satisfy my adventurous spirit if I could get up high enough to test my flight skills. Needless to say, I didn’t get that either. I thought I was a really good boy but maybe Claws is holding a grudge because I said he’s one fat cat, stupid looking too. Who’s he think he’s kidding with that beard thing going on? I could use it to stuff my sneakers. If I had a pair.

I hope you got everything you wanted for Christmas. I don’t think I believe in Santa’s Claws. Then again, mine were recently trimmed and if he got his done then that explains why he couldn’t scale the walls to get in. We don’t have a chim knee.

So……..whadayathink?  Have you been disappointed by the total absence of gifts inside your sock? Mine didn’t even have lint. Smelled okay though.

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One Response to “Tyler Talks Christmas List”

  1. Kathy Says:


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