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Tyler Talks One Year Anniversary

July 4th, 2014 by Magdalena Tabor

Hey! It’s me, Tyler! I am now an official NY State resident, having reached my one year anniversary and I couldn’t be happier. Oh sure, tylerSnowshoe still kicks my butt every now and again but I’ve learned to read his body language, and believe me, there are some choice words in there! The difference is, I no longer care. I just make a fuss so the Beans will yell at him and lavish me with the attention I so deserve. Five minutes later, I sprawl defiantly in front of Alpha male daring him to do it again. Invariably he does, much to my bitter dismay but more often than not, the old man just falls asleep. He’s not as tough as he pretends to be. His whiskers are old and his underwear is older. Oh. I’ve just been informed he isn’t wearing any. I don’t know what to make of that so I’ll just leave it alone.
Clementine still spurns my advances. All I want to do is pat her head and say, “It’s okay, my lovely little snicky snack.” But I guess I just don’t possess the eloquence of de Bergerac and therefore all she can see is my big nose. I just want to sniff her a little and say’ “My, what’s that perfume you’re wearing? Essence of organic catnip?” She just spits at me like I’ve just uttered the most ridiculous thing. What’s a guy to do?
I have grown increasingly fond of the Beans and seek their presence at all times. They smile at me adoringly and say things like, “Isn’t he cute????” That’s a rhetorical question and yet it’s always answered with such enthusiastic conviction. It just melts my heart when Lady Bean comes home from wherever she’s been all day and makes the biggest fuss when she sees me. I get so happy I claw at the rug and she just laughs. I think she’s genuinely glad to see me although she acts the same way with the other kids and then I don’t feel so special anymore. I think she still likes me best and just doesn’t want to hurt the feelings of the others.
Bean Daddy’s birthday is the 4th and I’m throwing him a surprise party. The surprise is to snub him when I see him. I think I’ll throw myself a party instead to celebrate my year long vacation in NY. Here’s the invite:
Come one, come all, to Tyler’s ball and bring me lots of presents. And if you come with nothing at all, you’ll be turned away at the door and never so much as looked at sideways and wish you never were born and shipped to that god awful place called Nacogdoches, Texas!

So…………….whadayathink? Are you as pleased as I am about my one year anniversary? I accept gifts of all kinds. Did I mention to bring me something nice? I especially favor live mice (not the fake kind you buy at the supermarket) and creepy crawly things of which there are a lot more to be found in Texas.

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4 Responses to “Tyler Talks One Year Anniversary”

  1. Michael Tabor Says:

    You are one funny cat !!!

  2. Tyler Says:

    And you are one funny looking Bean.

  3. Chipster Says:

    Happy Anniversary Tyler! I know for a fact you’re loved very much. Clementine is just playing hard to get. I bet she dreams of you in her sleep.
    You’re now an official New Yawka.

  4. tyler Says:

    Sorry, Chipster. But I refuse to let go of my sexy southern drawl. I’m sure Clementine secretly admires it. Yes, m’aam.

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