Tyler Talks Chivalry

September 12th, 2013 by Magdalena Tabor

The Beans watch PBS Mystery programs but don’t seem to realize there’s a bona fide Miss Marple series right under our own roof! Way up at the top of the stairs leading to one of the attic rooms is a closed door. What’s in the Mystery Room??? Rumor has it that it’s a safe haven for an ancient lady cat who’s 19 Bean years old. This calculates to an unbelievable 133 feline years! What’s more, she lives like a Queen in there and if my hunch is right, I think she’s a princess kept captive and therefore aim to rescue her. Fear not, M’Lady! I come equipped with my paratrooper’s gear!tyler

They say she’s a centenarian. I’m not sure what that is but I think it has something to do with having a long white beard. If this is correct,  I can tell her to drape it out the window so I can climb up and save her like Rapunzel. Don’t expect me to marry her though. I’m only in this for the reward money. Then again, I don’t recall having heard of any reward offered, so it’s quite possible I’ll get nothing more than my picture in the local news. But it’s a start. Maybe I’ll  land a book deal!

However, there are reservations concerning her age. Does she hobble about with a cane and will it get in the way of my rescue attempts? Does she wear orthopedic shoes impeding a smooth transition to the outside world? Is her tail all rickety and crooked with R thritis that might get in my way and possibly crack and fall off while we’re making our escape? Does she wear false teeth kept in a jar at night and insist upon putting them back in before we bolt? I could get caught red pawed and be extradited to Texas just as I was getting used to it here. These are the thoughts that plague me.

I make a tentative swipe under the door but all I get is a dust bunny. The Beans are always sucking them up with the vacuum but must have missed this one. It has no ears so I fail to see why it’s called a bunny. I make little chirping sounds under the door but there’s no answer.  She must be deaf. I bet she stole the bunny’s ears and they’re defective. I chirp louder. Here comes Snowshoe to kick my butt for making annoying little noises. I dash into the next room and wait awhile. It’s starting to get dark. Perfect rescue hour….

“Tyler! Suppertime!”

I nearly kill myself jumping down the stairs two at a time. Slurp! Chomp! Lick! Yummy….Momma Bean scoops me up when I’m done and tucks me downstairs for the night. Well. That’s that. Rapunzel will have to wait until tomorrow. Then again, what good is a book deal to me anyway? I’ll have to go to all the book signings and write phony inscriptions for Beans I’ve never seen in my life and pretend to like them. Yuk! “To So-and-So, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I have delighted in meeting you so you can buy my book and make me rich so I won’t have to write anymore. Regards, Tyler”. No….I’m staying right here and let Rapunzel rot in her room. Then I can eat all her food.

So…………whadayathink? Have you ever had the inclination to be a Knight In Shining Armor? And then change your mind because it’s just too much trouble? YAWN! Yeah, me too. Chivalry’s not dead. It’s just a little tired.

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