Birth Day

November 27th, 2012 by Magdalena Tabor
Today is my birthday. In another couple of hours it will be over. Time, in its ever onward march toward the unknown, ever distancing us from our past which is all we have, or had. To avoid getting too philosophical, let me tell you about my day. It began at 5 am or should have but I just couldn’t seem to get out of bed this morning. I knew I had to get an early start because my sidekick at work was vacationing overseas this week, that left me holding the bag that upper management doesn’t care to trouble themselves with. Yeah, yeah, sob story, poor me. After dragging myself out of bed, I become somewhat more lucid once I shower and dress, even recall humming a little tune. Then I feed my hungry kids, of which there are several, both indoors and out, of the feline variety and our two lagamorphs (rabbits, remember my much earlier blog). But Blossom remained out of sight. She had grown increasingly deaf of late. Why, just last night she didn’t realize it was suppertime until I opened her hutch and found her half asleep inside. Then she dashed out, grabbed a piece of apple from her abundant helping of salad and ran back in happily munching away. I laughed. This morning the salad was left untouched. I spied her lying on her side stretched out in what would be her “I’m hot as all hell” summertime snooze but it was cold out. I knew. Right then, I knew.  Still, hope prevailed and I checked to see if she might be breathing.
I remember the day MIchael brought her home. She fit in the palm of my hand. That was eight years ago. I am reminded that today, my birthday, time is spiraling out of control. I can’t seem to grasp that my body is rapidly aging while my mind conjures all of the things I’ve yet to accomplish, when I realize, like a slap in the face, there isn’t enough time. Realistically, I would need another lifetime to fulfil the goals I set for myself. I think, why am I doing this to myself? Why can’t I be satisfied with what I have? Why do I think I have to be more than what I am? Why???
The allure is in dreaming of what can be made tangible. In the dream itself, that so fascinates. I can’t help it. I am the epitome of what a dreamer is. I think I’m happy. In fact, I know it, when suddenly, an idea occurs, forming itself like a small seed in my brain and I think, that’s it! That’s what will make me “happier”. I don’t want THIS anymore, I want THAT. Maybe it’s some sort of female midlife crisis. But the reality is, I’ve been this way my whole life. Yet, ultimately, it’s the same dream, over and over, that hasn’t quite come to full fruition. Always the excuse stopping me from coming full circle. Oh, I can’t do that because it’s not the right time. There’s the word again – “TIME”. Avoiding it. Why? Because I’m afraid.  Afraid that once I reach the ultimate goal, there will be nothing left to dream on.

Blossom is gone. I wonder why, why this particular day? I won’t shrug it off to mere coincidence. There’s something almost uncanny about it. Time is short. Stop dreaming and LIVE the dream. Happy Birthday. The key word is “happy”.
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6 Responses to “Birth Day”

  1. magdalena Says:

    Once again, time working against us. Check the date of the blog. The clock has struck the hour. My birthday was yesterday, the 26th……Rest in peace, Blossom. You gave us much joy.

  2. Le duke de fromage Says:

    Magdalena, I think a lot of us face this paradox of life, I include this quote by Joan Didon, “Was it only by dreaming or writing I could find out what I thought”. Happy Birthday.

  3. magdalena Says:

    Thank you, Le Duke. Your comments, as always, are thoughtful and heartfelt.

  4. Michael Tabor Says:

    Cheryl Coutts Well done and certainly a kind soul. I bet for all of us 1981 BHS grads….its hard to understand where the time has gone….can we all be 50 or only months away?? Just today as I was driving to work I was thinking about how badly I coached my daughters team this weekend against the “press”……gosh we had that game……but then it hit me … youngest will be off to HS and I am done coaching…….7 years of great moments with my daughters and now the hands of time will end that. As we age…I think we tend to look at the things we have not accomplish and we get a clear prespective of what is important. The winning of that game is not that important…..its the way we lift each young lady up….its how we learn from the loss and we become better…just like in life. So I say we toast the days ahead and we jump into all that we do and all that waits us. I think I am good for another 40 years or so and I hope Magdalena jumps on board and goes for it. Chris

    about an

  5. Michael Tabor Says:

    Where has the time gone ? And, why do we always reflect upon the things we failed at or the things we should have done differently. Bill Parcels, legendary coach of the NY Giants, said “Now that I’ve been retired for some time, I don’t think about the great Super Bowl wins, but the games we lost and should have won.”

  6. magdalena Says:

    Thanks, Cheryl for your insight. I am most definitely on board. I just don’t want the ship to sail off before I get at least one foot on.

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