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Time In A Bottle (Of Aspirin)

November 4th, 2011 by Magdalena Tabor

Spring ahead – Fall behind. Daylight Savings Time begins/ends (?) on Sunday, November 6th. Who’s to say? (Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care?) I find this practice of so-called “time saving” nothing more than a total nuisance and the very concept of “saving time” pure fairytale. The darkness experienced during the winter months is unavoidable and there is nothing we earthlings can do to “save time”. The ever-annoying ritual of the “changing of the clocks” is nothing short of ridiculous. Not once, but twice a year we  are forced to perform the insane task of running around the house changing the hour on every imaginable timepiece. And then there’s the one that was missed just to confuse matters even further. Imagine this on a massive scale; The timekeeper at Windsor Castle needs 16 hours to change 450 clocks! I think the Queen should just have one bedside clock and be responsible for changing it herself.

Spring: Ooops! Lost an hour. We suddenly develop jet lag having lost an hour of sleep. Fall: Wow! Gained an hour. I can sleep an hour longer! I’m so well rested! Didn’t anyone ever figure out that nothing has actually changed???

If you’re like us and you try to fool yourself into believing that you have more time to get ready in the morning by setting all your clocks 20 minutes later, things get even hairier. Hence the phrase “real time” versus “our time” used in our household; Honey, what time is it? 8:30 “our time”. Let’s see….that would make it 8:10 “real time”. Okay, thanks! What time should I pick you up tonight? 9:30. Uhhhhh…..what time should I actually leave the house? I don’t know – you figure it out – it’s giving me a headache.

Is it any wonder the man is not waiting for you at the train station when you get there? What nonsense! We know we’re not kidding ourselves into thinking it’s earlier than it really is because we’re always aware that it is, so why can’t we make “our time” the “real time” it should be? Because of the simple fact we’ll forget we’re on “real time” and will be 20 minutes late each morning. It would cause complete and utter chaos to try and de-program ourselves. Besides any guests we don’t happen to care for will leave 20 minutes sooner: “My, look at the time!” Those we like can stay a little longer: “Wait. You don’t  have to go yet – you still have 20 minutes. Stay awhile”.

Daylight Savings Time. Who do we have to blame for this? In 1895, George Vernon Hudson, an English born entomologist and astronomer proposed the idea which, not surprisingly, was met with some opposition. Evidently, he got his way. And the reason he wanted it? Doing so provided him with more daylight to collect his insects! This guy had more pull than the planets! Why should the rest of the world accommodate the eccentricities of a bug collector? Let me just say, it’s relatively safe to assume Hudson is no longer alive, right? He’s long since passed into Bug Heaven and is no doubt on his hands and knees searching an ant’s nest having the time of his afterlife. So now that he’s gone, why not do away with this so-called DST and leave the clocks alone? After all, what is time? It’s just a notion. Go to bed when you’re sleepy, eat when you’re hungry and throw the stupid wrist watch away. Get rid of the Rolex. It does nothing but tell everyone you’ve got too much  money to know what to do with and quite possibly, too much time on your hands. And let’s give Micky Mouse a rest. He doesn’t need to be waving his arms around all day and night. Personally, I refuse to wear a watch. It’s too constricting. I will not be bound by time literally, figuratively, or otherwise. So let’s all sleep on this. Meanwhile, I have to go….time’s a wasting.

So……….whadawethink? Tired of changing the clocks? Why can’t we change the process instead?

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Howard Stern – One Man, Changed our culture forever; For Better or For Worse – Part 2

November 1st, 2011 by Michael Tabor
In yesterday’s blog, I started writing about how Howard Stern changed our culture in the 1980s and 1990s for better or for worse. At the height of his popularity in the mid-90s, I was already sick of him. He came out with an auto biopic.film, ‘Private Parts,’ that was unspeakably awful and for me unwatchable. However, many mainstream people actually liked the movie and his fan base expanded exponentially. People like Katie Couric were actually interviewing HOWARD STERN (though as I stated he started out underground and his brand of humor was basically men’s locker room talk, but original). The bottom line was Howard Stern was now hot and just about every male between 18 – 35 was listening to him (men loved him and women hated him with some exceptions of course). The talk shows were now willing to have him on his or her show (Ironically, talk show hosts initially steered clear of him and now hosts were beseeching him to come on because the ratings would spike. And it’s all about ratings, isn’t it? BTW, Howard always got ratings even when the only TSH that would have him on was David Letterman.).
This is not a biography on Howard Stern it’s an Op-ed blog; so how did this one man, Howard Stern change our culture forever? (Clarification: when I say our culture, I’m referring to the 18 – 35 year old demographic. I’m 48 now and I don’t listen to him anymore, however having said that many people [males] my age who grew up with Stern still do. The stripper nonsense is boorish and old but the news with Robin and the gang is excellent and still fresh so I’m told. The news portion of the show was always my favorite and I would probably still listen to just the news if I had satellite, but I don’t.)
Because of you – Howard Stern we have:
Reality Shows – let’s face it people are voyeurs and Howard knew this only too well. He essentially created the very first reality radio show and it migrated to TV.
Grotesque stunt/dare shows – shows like ‘Fear Factor, Jack Ass; this was an aspect of the Stern show I never liked even when I was 18. Stern had people puking, spitting, eating insects…,  and basically just doing dangerous and outrageous things like blowing smoke rings through your eyeballs, lighting [putting on fire] one’s reproductive organs, etc. Insipid, tasteless, disgusting, and just plain stupid. Howard was doing this back in 1984, it wasn’t entertaining then and it goes without saying it’s not now. But – people like it – go figure.

The vernacular and everyday language we use today is different. People talk about sex too openly on TV, radio, film, etc. Yes, we were too prudish in speech, manner, and conduct on television and radio before Howard Stern but now we have gone too far – it’s just bad taste. Human sexuality is normal and everyone does it, but I don’t want to see it or hear about it. Sex is a very private and personal matter. It’s not that I’m shocked by it, I just find it to be prodigiously boring. Who wants to watch people having sexual intercourse ? I’m not naive, if you want to be a voyeur and wish to see people having sex, then go on the internet or rent an adult video – it’s your right – it’s a free country. Sex is not dirty but I personally would rather be doing it myself than watching it. I am a film aficionado or a ceneaste and it irritates me to no end when a film has a sex scene and spends 15 minutes on it. Again, if I wanted to see other people having sex, I would rent an adult film. PLEASE ! A film ought to spend no more than 2 minutes on any given sexual encounter. There is no need to show nudity just for the sake of nudity (if it’s pertinent to a subject or storyline that’s different). A man meets a woman, they like each other (or maybe they don’t like each other. After all you don’t have to like a person to have sex with her) and they end up in bed. That’s enough – move the plot along.

Here is one last phenomena for which we have Mr. Stern to thank (or at least a major contributing variable). Heterosexual women having sex with other heterosexual women. This is an epidemic – for these young and immature women it’s cool or in vogue to be gay even though one is not gay. This is such an overwhelming insult to those women who are actually gay.
Okay I have said enough  – now it’s your turn WhaDaYaThink ? What do you think ? This is a dicey subject and I’m curious about what people have to say. One eloquent and intelligent woman on Facebook said that Howard Stern (I’m paraphrasing) is an oversized college sophomore with an oversized ego. That in one sentence says it all.
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